Yahoo!: Not a whole lot. Listening to some Fiona Apple CDs, probably gonna pop in Austin Powers later. You know, the usual.
Bing: Fiona Apple and Austin Powers, huh? What is this, 1997?
Yahoo!: *Sigh* Not a day goes by where I don't wish that...Anyway, what are you doing?
Bing: Oh, nothing. Just bored. This Egypt stuff is pretty confusing, so I was hoping I might get to help some people make a decision about it, but no luck yet.
Yahoo!: You're still hoping for current event searches? Man, I forget how new you are sometimes. I'll take anything at this point: porn, Snooki, drugs...
Bing: You mean legal drugs, right? Like, pharmaceuticals?
Yahoo!: Well, yes, ideally. It doesn't really matter though. Everyone just goes to Google at this point anyway. You know, we were pretty close competitors back in the day. Great friends, too. And we still would be if he hadn't-
Bing: Stolen your idea to make his logo look silly on holidays, right. I'm definitely not sick of hearing you talk about that yet.
Ask: Hey, sorry to bother you guys, but do you have any questions for me? Because I can definitely answer them if you do.
Yahoo!: Question? Yeah, I've got a question for you. If you had a best friend who you did everything with, and then he completely cut off all communication with you once he made it big even though you had done nothing but help him out the whole time, would you be justified in feeling nothing but pain and emptiness every moment of every day?
Ask: ...I was thinking more along the lines of...I don't know, "How many people live in Ottawa?" or something like that. Have you met my friend LiveJournal, though? He might be able to help you out.
Yahoo!: He said I wasn't "exciting" enough for him. I have a freakin' exclamation point right in my name! How much more excitement can he want?!
Dogpile: Hey, guys! What's going on?
Bing: Umm...hi. Do you need directions or something?
Dogpile: Directions? What? No, it's me! Dogpile! The quirky little metasearch engine from InfoSpace! It looked like you guys were all hanging out, so I thought I'd join in. What are the plans for tonight?
Ask: Hey man, the pet store websites usually hang out down the street. I think you're looking for them.
Dogpile: No, no, I'm a search engi-
Bing: Right, so you just take a left at the end of the road, then go down three blocks, and they'll be right there. You'll know you're getting close when you see the Pets.com sock puppet. He usually hangs out in front of the grocery store asking for change.
Dogpile: Oh...well, ok...
(Walks away)
Ask: Geez, what a weird guy. But seriously, what should we do tonight? Want to hit up AOL?
Yahoo!: Not worth it. Ever since his divorce from Time Warner all he wants to do is hang out at singles bars. He keeps thinking he'll meet someone under 25 who'll still be willing to use AIM exclusively.
Bing: We could try getting some work done. You know, bone up on some trending topics so we're really ready for when people start using us.
Yahoo!: Ugh, listen to this guy. Look, Bing, you've got a lot going for you. You're young, you're attractive, you keep showing up in episodes of Gossip Girl, but you know what you don't have? Towns in Kansas naming themselves after you. Only one guy has that. He's called Google, and the sooner you realize you can't compete with him the better. Your best bet is to just carve out a niche market for yourself that's big enough to get by on and ignore any article that comes out with Google in the headline.
Dogpile: Unless it also contains the words "Bankruptcy!" Ha! Am I right?
Ask: Haha, yeah...wait, what are you doing back here?
Dogpile: Look, the Pets.com sock puppet made me really uncomfortable, ok? All he would talk about was some Good Morning America interview he did once. Can't I just hang out with you guys?
Yahoo!: Oh, why the hell not? It's not like we've got anything better to do.
Dogpile: Awesome! So I was thinking we could-
Bing: Wait a minute. I think...I think someone's using me. They are! FINALLY! SOMEONE'S ACTUALLY USING ME TO SEARCH FOR SOMETHING!
Yahoo!: What?
Dogpile: Awesome!
Ask: If they want to know when Henry Hudson was born, tell them it was in 1570! Probably!
Bing: Hang on. He's still browsing through the pictures, so he hasn't typed anything in yet. Ok, here we go! "G-o-o...g-l-e."
Yahoo!: ...You should've sent him to Meatspin.
Bing: No, I mean, a job is a job...I guess.
Dogpile: Cool! So, what are we doing now?
Bing: I don't know. What's the name of that place AOL always hangs out at?
Yahoo!: Charlie's Chatroom.
Bing: Perfect.
Dogpile: Sounds like a plan to me! Let's just check Google Maps before we leave to be sure about directions.
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