Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, except Gene Chizik's spouse.
She got him some warm milk and he drank it down,
And then he said, "I can't believe I'm 15 days from the crown."
They heard a noise downstairs, and knew very quick,
That this obviously was dear ole Saint Nick.
Chizik took a sip of his milk and then he shouted,
"What the heck, Nick Saban, get out of my house, man!"
While this was happening, the players were at their homes,
Visiting their families and updating Twitter on their phones.
Zac Ethridge is bored in Troy and Mike Blanc loves Florida,
Mario Fannin is in Atlanta listening to some rapper named Flo Rida.
Why we know these things, I still don't get,
But hey, that's what you call the nternet.
I shouldn't mention Santa until the next stanza,
Like you should wait until January to talk about the BCS bonanza.
Santa Claus flew around the globe on his sleigh,
Leaving gifts for all the kids of the USA.
College football players all got gifts as well,
And what they do with these gifts... time will tell.
Cam Newton got a fly swatter to swat away Thayer,
And Cecil got deserved coal, in layers and layers.
Terrell Pryor got a tattoo kit (in a Fruit Roll-Ups box),
And big Lee Ziemba finally got fitting socks.
Eltoro Freeman got some Red Bull, which is very ironic,
Because he himself is a bull, which makes QBs sick.
Onterio McCalebb got a mohawk-grooming kit,
And Demond Washington got a chair, and he gave it to Donvan McNabb so he could sit.
Philip Lutzenkirchen got a great gift, a gift of a name-change,
Because Philip John sounds a lot less strange.
He didn't change it to Ocho Cinco or junk like that.
That's right, Chad of the Bengals, I advise you change it back!
And what to Trooper Taylor's eyes did appear,
But a brand new towel, not soaked in Bama tears!
Curtis Luper got a brand new pair of sunglasses,
And the color matched LSU QB Jordan Jefferson's jersey: several colors of grasses!
Christmas morning came, and Auburn players were happy
(That they didn't read this, some parts were crappy.)
No, no, I kid, but not all were so swell,
Because this Christmas, Oregon's Chip Kelly did not sleep well.
The players returned to Auburn afterwards and got lemonade from Toomer's,
And as had been the case for a month, new Cam rumors!
It's been a Merry Christmas, with turkeys and good luck,
But now the players know, it's time to cook Ducks.
War Eagle!
Jessica Cauffiel Emmanuelle Vaugier Sarah Silverman Larissa Meek Gina Carano
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